(Quick disclaimer: These are direct links with zero “affiliate” status. e.g. I don’t make a dime of either one)
This cute picture of Shantae ‘n Baron von Squid courtesy of WayForward, proper.
I hope you like genies, because WayForward’s adorable half-genie is a part of two ridiculous sales this weekend! “Risky’s Revenge”, an awesome platforming adventure that got its start on Nintendo DSi, is on sale for both PC on Steam and iOS on iTunes.
If you’re used to modern Metroid-like platformer releases (e.g. Mega Man Zero, DS-era Castlevanias, Super Metroid), you might find Shantae a bit “basic” for you needs. Her melee attack has the “Zero” flaw in that she can’t swipe while moving, and the special forms you’ll pick up as the game progresses have incredibly simple movement enhancements. The labyrinths are a smidgen too easy to get lost in (a flaw further amplified by a lack of maps available online for them), but the art is gorgeous and the story is endearing. If you need something to scratch that platforming “itch”, especially with its sequel (Pirate’s Curse) beginning to make the rounds and a fourth game on the horizon (Shantae got its start as a Game Boy Color title), Shantae makes a fine addition to anyone’s platform-adventure library.
Quibbles aside, there’s no good reason not to at least pick up the (FREE!) iOS release.
Selvaria Bles, drawn by bookseve on pixiv (account no longer available as far as I can gather)
An online game code for Valkyria Chronicles is $10 on Amazon, though I’m not sure for how long (I’ll try to update this post once it expires).
From Amazon’s product description:
During the ensuing war the Federation discovers that the Empire possesses a secret weapon, known as the “Valkyria” – an ancient race with special powers thought to exist only in legends.
It’s a turn-based strategy game with a real-time feel and an over-the-shoulder camera, so basically Gear of War’s play style meets Eternal Sonata’s mechanics.
Full disclosure: Haven’t played this one myself yet, but I have played Project X Zone, which features characters from the series, and the Valkyria race seems to provide more than enough bad-ass capacity for heroine-building.
Dead or Alive 5: Last Round is the first in the DOA series to see a PC release, and it’s coming it at 10% off until its release on the 30th of March, pushed back from the previous release date of February 17th.
A few key notes before hopping on the shopping train:
This is an untested PC dev team. No guarantees on port quality
The only system specs listed is “Intel i5 Processor”. Nothing is listed for video card, which means either:
The game runs just fine on an i5 with Intel Graphics (makes sense, Intel i5s are about on par with the PS3/Xbox 360 the game debuted on)
They have no idea what the system requirements are yet
Online multiplayer is a no-go until up to 3 months after release. If you don’t have friends to play with, I’d recommend holding off until online is up and running, especially given that 3 months after March 30th is really close to the summer Steam sale.
Team Ninja has not yet confirmed whether the Xbox One or PS4 features will be present in the PC port
With all that in mind, if you’re in the mood for a modern fighting game with a large female contingent (and a pretty nice heroine storyline to boot), you can’t really go wrong with DOA. Note that the primary demographic is male adolescents, so the game will have more than its fair share of fan service, especially in the (optional) costume DLC packs.
This will probably be my mainstay game under deals until its release, as most of the entries for this section of the site are time-sensitive and expire relatively quickly. Hopefully, I’ll find another long-term deal once the game comes out.
Portal 2, like everything from Valve, goes “on sale” like Empire’s carpets. You’ll rarely go two months without a sale on that title. So realistically, you’ll see this post on the site periodically, with minor, if any , adjustments.
Chell, courtesy of Autumn-North’s Tumblr page
Anyhoo, it’s $5 until January 30th, so now’s as good a time as any to give the sequel to one of the best games in recent history a shot:
Wheatley, also courtesy of Autumn-North’s blog
(BTW, another buck-fifty will get you the original game, as well)
In case you’re tried of plopping the movie into VLC or Kodi, and then scrubbing to the part you actually care about, I’ve made some handy chapter files!
Right-click each link and go to “save link as” to save it to your desktop.
The “Equestria Girls” chapter list is pretty comprehensive, and has a cute title for every major point in the film.
I went a bit overboard on the “Rainbow Rocks” chapter list, including a chapter for pretty much every turning point in the final song.
Installation is pretty straightforward:
Save the chapter files above to your desktop.
Get MKVToolNix (Windows and Mac options are in there)
Run “mkvmerge GUI”
Go to the Chapter Editor and load the chapter file:
Afterwards, click “Save to Matroska file”save it to the MKV file for the appropriate film.Note: THIS WILL SAVE THE CHAPTERS INTO THE FILE. Make a copy of the MKV before saving the chapter if you’re not 100% sure about what you’re doing first.
Ta-Da! You now have an updated chapter list in your move! The chapter listing should show up in most major media players, like VLC, Kodi, and even Windows Media Player (with the correct codec pack installed).
While I doubt anyone will use these chapters, they’re quite useful if you watch these movies often, or even if you just like the leave the songs playing in the background while you do other stuff.
Quick Disclosure: None of the external links are affiliate links, so I have no financial incentive on any of this stuff. I tried my best to sanitize the Amazon links.
Hasbro Studio’s Equestria Girls seems to be a somewhat… divisive animated film (well, at least amongst its periphery demographic), mostly because even though it’s based on a TV show about cartoon horsies, everyone in it has five fingers and looks like they came straight out of Doug Funnie’s home town. The main point of derision is that it’s a pony movie without ponies, and while corporate just got around to rectifying this issue, the stigma still stands, especially with this being the second non-pony pony movie in as many years.
That being said, you won’t find any animosity toward High School Land here; I got my start on the franchise with Equestria Girls, and I’ve been all kinds of stoked since Rainbow Rocks got announced as the sequel. Well, it’s arrived on Blu-Ray, and what with this being my 42nd showing of the film, I figured that I might as well review it.
Quick note: Watching the first film is really non-optional here, and the sequel doesn’t really waste any time to catch you up, barring a quick mini-recap in the title sequence. Equestria Girls is like an hour long, and between Netflix, $3-5 online options (iTunes, Google Play, Amazon, etc.), Blu-Ray, or even just googlin’ for “Yay Ponies”, you can probably find a copy pretty trivially. I’d recommend the Blu-Ray because, well, I like quality.
My Little Premise
Sooo quick recap anyway: After the coolest looking pony ever tries (and fails, quite miserably) to gain all-consuming power from Purple Smart‘s magical element of universal TV remotes, the newly appointed princess hands our antagonist an ultimatum: learn to make friends, or die alone (no, seriously). Given the franchise’s subtitle, you can probably guess the route she went with.
At the same time (like, the exact same time), three girls with magical singing instigator powers lament the lack of real magic in the world that came with their new disposable thumbs. Upon seeing the rainbow hax0r spam that ended the last film, however, they decide to enact a plan to conquer the horse riding-themed school with music.
Oh yeah, and (minor spoiler of around the 7 minute mark ‘n 3rd sneak peak) apparently the entirety of the main cast goes all equine when they play a set.
Ummm, just go with it.
Friendship is Magic, but Singing is Evil
Equestria Girls had its fair share of issues. It was clear that DHX wasn’t really capable of animating bipeds with the same level of experience they had on multicolored midget mares, and they burned through like half the story on effectively rebuilding a world and relationships that the fanbase already had nearly three years of familiarity with.
But where it shined was the music. Everything from “the cafeteria song” to the opening theme remix (which, 91 episodes in, I’ve probably heard more than the actual theme, which I have an instinctual habit of skipping each time) is catchy and all but physically addictive to listen to. Daniel Ingram has accounted for more iTunes purchases on my part than I’m comfortable with disclosing.
Well, for the Non-Pony Pony Sequel, corporate decided to flat-out double down on this concept. The entire film, beginning to end, is less musically focused and more musically ingrained. In the first film, Rebecca Shoichet, the voice you hear every time Twilight starts singing, played Sunset Shimmer, the lead villain. Seemingly in the desire to make this a running theme, Kazumi Evans, who you’ve probably heard singing as Rarara ‘n Best Princess, enters the villain fold as Adagio Dazzle, the cornerstone of the Terrible Trio our moxy bunch of technicolor bipeds has to out-music inside of three acts.
Dat grin.
She might wanna look into a career in logistics, because Kazumi straight-updelivers as the ambitious and frustrated Dazzle, and her experience as a songstress lends a convincing amount of vocal range and Depth to Adagio’s voice that perfectly complements DHX’s gorgeous visual presentation (more on that later). If Shimmer was just really mean, Dazzle is manipulative, condescending, and unapologetically ruthless.
The Dazzlings are rounded out by Maryke Hendrickse, who does the lovably dumb Sonata Dusk, and Diana Kaarina handling the reins of the mean and ever-so-slightly starscream-ish Aria Blaze. They do a great job with the bumbling henchgirls motif. I wouldn’t mind seeing Maryke arrive in the film’s source material next season, and I’d really love to see Diana land outside of the Barbiesphere as far as her voiceagraphy is concerned.
[gfycat data_id=”IllLeadingAlpineroadguidetigerbeetle” data_autoplay=true data_controls=false]Oooooh yeah! What she said I meant to say. That's what I meant. To say.
And what you would have said if you weren't the worst
Complimenting the voice work comes some much-appreciated improvements to DHX’s production pipeline, including some fantastic lighting effects and, a first for this spin-off, actual pelvic bones. While the brunt of the cast is still saddled with skirts that obfuscate some rather indeterminate physiology, it’s now clearly a stylistic choice rather than a budgetary one, and their advancements arrive in full force for nearly all of the villain troupe’s dance numbers.
It makes them convincingly seductive (especially given their mythological origins) without making them inappropriately so (I mean, it is a kid’s film).
“The Real Heroine”, or, “Ironic First Name”
Leading us back into this site’s topical basis (e.g. an addiction to valiant female protagonists) is Sunset Shimmer, Rainbow Rocks‘s redemption arc vehicle. What seemed like a simple apology at the tail end of the last film turns into a character that really, truly, wants to become a good person. Unfortunately, while she got the “good person” part downpact 30 seconds in past the intro song, she’s got about 3 years’ worth of animosity from being “measurably less than a good person” to work through. Even Purple doesn’t trust the very girl she fixed at first glance, but comes to accept over the course of the narrative that she’s really trying.
[gfycat data_id=”AccomplishedCostlyDarwinsfox” data_autoplay=true data_controls=false]Toot toot! All aboard the S.S. SunLight!
It’s this that ascends the film from a nice musical to a great animated film. The Equestria Girls franchise is an adaptation of a show about friendship, and the problem with its source material’s episodic format is that, due to the need to teach the prime demographic a lesson about this theme, the characters usually aren’t actually very good friends… until about the 25 minute mark, shortly before the “Dear Princess Celestia” narration capper kicks in and the credits roll. That issue makes its way into the prime point of contention in both of the films, and they’d make for crummy remakes of one another if not for Shimmer.
Shimmer isn’t here to learn about being a good friend. What she is here to do, from the moment she steps into the gymnasium at the outset, to the climactic turning point in the film, is to learn how to understand friendship as a concept. As someone who spent her life as a deliberate outsider to closely-knit social circles, she has to learn how her friends’ existing (and normally very strong) bonds between one another can falter (a goal that the film’s villains are effectively designed, at the very core of their being, to work toward), and help rebuild those bonds. It’s effectively a journey to ascend from simply being nice to people to becoming an inspiration for others. To this end, the Dazzlings provide a nearly perfect contrast to Shimmer’s journey.
And the music brings us to the top
One interesting point about Equestria Girls: there’s a few songs spattered throughout the film, and they’re all vocal pop pieces. As anyone who’s seen a Disney film in the last decade (or twelve) however, what you might have also noticed is that none of them are “suspension of disbelief”-breaking. That is to say, at no point do characters break out of normal conversation and into song with no discernible rhyme or reason. All but one of the songs throughout the film are brought in as soundtrack pieces (that is to say, nobody on-screen is singing them), and the one musical dance number from within the film’s story itself was clearly planned and rehearsed the day before as a part o the narrative. It’s a level of musical realism you really don’t get in animated films with this many plot-focused vocal tracks.
Rainbow Rocks basically turns that concept up to 11. Barring the opening and credit sequences, every song in the film is story-driven and in-world. The main point of conflict in the film is a “Battle of the Bands” that the school’s administration and student body have been hypnotized into participating in, and due to the villain’s magical capabilities, that event is set into motion via song. Following that, every song in the film, even ones that are used as montages, are sung as part of that competition.
If you enjoyed all of the last film’s songs that featured our main six heroines, and if you can let yourself be temporarily dazzled by the dulcet tones of their new antagonists, you’ll have yourself a good time with Rainbow Rocks.
And then all the other stuff
I’d go into more, but for everything I omitted here, you’ll know whether your want to be a part of if you enjoyed the first movie. There’s a metric ton of references to the show, the cameos are all awesome (I made double-sure not to spoil one up there), and you’re all but guaranteed to let out your geekiest “Squee!!!” during the post-credits sequence. Which, by, the way, is probably worth the price of admission in and of itself if you already saw the Discovery Family airing.
If this review sounds more like a love letter to the film than a critical analysis, that’s probably about on-point with how I feel about it. I loved every minute of this film, I’ll probably spend the day this review goes up eyeing my porch window for the postal worker to drop off my boxed copy, and while I’m not at all adverse to writing way too many words for a 72-minute children’s movie, I humbly admit that I will never have the amazing, show-stopping ability of the Great and Powerful TRIXIE!
So Sony’s got a sale going on Playstation games ‘n films until Monday. I guess if this site’s gonna be about heroine addiction, I better come correct on this list. Here’s a quick breakdown of my recommendations/thoughts. I’ve owned and played all of the following:
Portal 2 – If you haven’t played through both Portal games, barring motion sickness problems, there’s something wrong with you. They’re hella short (you can burn through both in a weekend, or even just a lazy Sunday) ‘n all kinds of amazing. If you like figuring shit out ‘n colorful monologues, you seriously owe it to yourself to take any excuse to play these games. Ummm, like this flash sale!
Hatsune Miku: Project Diva F (PS3) and f (Vita) – If you’re eyeing these games, you probably have some history with rhythm games in general. DDR, Elite Beat Agents, Samba De Amigo, etc. You’re probably also familiar with anime nonsense, and this game is lousy with it. But, if you’re fiending for a rhythm game, (and if anime nonsense is your thing) it’s a solid enough romp in the genre. Quick word of warning: On the “Depth vs Complexity” discussion, this game weighs heavily on the complexity end. There’s a ton of it, most of it is unnecessary, and the scoring system is a little too… perfectionist. Also, if you’re thinking about picking up both versions: there is a tool to sync up your unlocked stuff between the Vita ‘n PS3 versions, but as of this writing (October 18th, 2014), it only exists in the Japanese versions.
Giana Sisters: Twisted Dreams – This game is about a dozen times better than it has any right to be, what with its origins as the European Super Mario Bros. knock-off. It’s a puzzle-platformer that leans frighteningly heavy on the puzzle side. It gets a little repetitive for its own good, and runs out of character mechanics pretty early on, but there’s more than enough fun to fulfill your $3.50 investment.
Mirror’s Edge – Do you like puzzles? Platforming? Parkour? Throwing your controller and/or mouse? Well has EA got the game for you! If you prefer getting the fuck out of dodge to armed combat, you’re in for a treat, because your player character can run up walls but isn’t particularly handy with the steel, if you know what I mean. It’s got more than a few rough spots, but for $2.25, I’d recommend playing until you get frustrated, and then just putting it away and hoping its planned sequel/reboot comes out a little better.
Resident Evil 3: Nemesis – It’s a Playstation game. No, there’s no number after “Playstation” there. Yes, it’s probably older than you are. You move around like a surprisingly nimble World War 2 tank (you’re a 5′ 8″ special forces member) and solve puzzles that your mom and/or dad probably thought were a little clever. They weren’t, but your parents were also in high school, so there’s that. If you can put aside the game’s (slightly) antiquated setup, it’s worth the buck fifty on the gimmick alone: You’re being chased by a scarier version of the first game’s last boss, and he can randomly appear in any room you enter. ProTip: There’s a button combination to instantly turn yourself around. You should learn it. It’s cool, you’ll probably have it memorized an hour in.
Resident Evil Code: Veronica X – If you picked up Nemesis, you probably like Resident Evil. If you also really like Leonardo DiCaprio (not Inception/Shutter Island Leo, but more say, Titanic/Growing Pains Leo), you should probably grab this Dreamcast remake. See, Dreamcast is a console made by Sega. Yes, that Sega. Yes, they used to make game consoles…
Sanctum 2 – This is my one cheat; I haven’t played Sanctum 2. But I have played the ever loving shit out of Sanctum 1. It’s tower defense with shooter. So yeah, it’s in the first person and it’s heavily puzzle/strategy-oriented. I’d assume by now you’d recognize the pattern in my Miku-less selection. Above all the rest of the games in this list not featuring portals, I will tell you, first and foremost, take this game home. It’s a steal at twenty bucks, so you’d be dumb not to buy at at whatever price it’s at right now.
Skullgirls Encore – Okay, so here we’ll combine anime nonsense with those really violent drawings that one kid made in your 5th grade class. Remember how cool that kid was? Well, this game’s actually that cool. Remember Mortal Kombat? (humor me and look it up on Youtube) Now imagine all the fatalities, only instead of ending the round, they’re normal moves for like a third of the cast. Oh, and did I mention the old-timey film aesthetic? If you have any idea who Tex Avery is (and if you don’t, again, Youtube), download this game.
I’d recommend trying any of those games out, especially if the screenshot glance on their store page tickles your fancy, but if you miss out on the sale, look for them on Steam, too. Most are controller-friendly, though many are substantially easier with a keyboard ‘n mouse.
Welcome to “Addicted to Heroine”. Not much to see here at the moment, but who knows where I’ll take this site. For now, a bit of perspective as to the site name. This was my Disney Infinity collection some six months before I ever bought or played the game:
